Episode V: Chopping Mall Strikes Back

We're back.

It's been a long, long absence but - like many a zombie - the fact that Chopping Mall looked dead didn't mean that it was dead. Not at all.

Instead, Chopping Mall returns refreshed, renewed and reinvigorated for a new year, nay, a new decade of exciting, gorey, thrilling films. I plan to broaden the scope of the blog a little; wheras previously it was almost all reviews, with the occasional special news piece, the new year should welcome in a little more film criticism, cinema news and history and all sorts of exciting fun.

For now though, I'll review in 10 words or less the films I watched (or re-watched) over the Christmas period. Here we go....

1. G-force
Surprisingly good fun with animated guinea-pigs. Unexpected treat.

2. Paranormal Activity
Not half as scary as everyone said. Dull.

3. Murder Party
One of the best independent films of recent times.

4. Where Eagles Dare
Brits, Yanks, Nazis. Guns. 'Splosions. Cable-cars. Awesome.

5. The Commander
Lee Van Cleef. Donald Pleasence. Otherwise rubbish.

6. Cemetery Without Crosses
Spaghetti western fun of the highest order.

7. Muppet Christmas Carol
Possibly Michael Caine's career highpoint?

8. Meteorites!
Absolute crap.

9. Run, Man, Run (Corri, Uomo, Corri)
Sequel to the Big Gundown. Not half as good.

10. Shanghai Noon
Not enough Jackie Chan. Too much Owen Wilson.

11. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Your Wu-Dan is a whorehose.

12. Inglorious Bastards
That damned armoured train.

13. The Mercenary
One of the best Westerns ever.

14. Boa Vs. Python
Snakes. Snakes. Snakes. Guns. Snakes. Boring.

15. Doghouse
Awesome Brit-Zombie flick. Might be worth a re-watch.

16. Avatar
Paper thin plot in staggeringly beautiful 3D.

17. Die Screaming, Marianne
Started well, middled bad, ended worse. Avoid.

18. Muppet Treasure Island
Best film ever?

19. Ipcress Files
Michael Caine with no muppets. Still pretty good.

20. Black Dynamite
One of 2009's best. DYNAMITE, DYNAMITE!

21. Inglourious Basterds
Best film of the year? I think so.



Bring on the new year!